


Meaning in My Life

by thingyoudowiththatthing



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Grief/Mourning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-07-28 09:20:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16238708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thingyoudowiththatthing/pseuds/thingyoudowiththatthing
Summary: You mourn Dean





	Meaning in My Life

Sometimes you needed to be alone. Needed to get away from everything. To feel normal. A lifetime of living on the road had meant you never had a space to keep your things. Things that made you feel like a normal teenage girl. So when you found the storage room after your parents died, you had turned it into your escape.

You had furnished it, even found a way to connect power to it. It had become the girly room you never had as a teen.

It was filled with stupid souvenirs you had picked up on hunts all over the country. Each and every one caring some piece of history with them. Most of them carrying a history of him.

After Dean had died, you hadn’t wanted to come back to the bunker with Cas and Sam. You couldn’t.

You couldn’t see the half drunken beer he had left on the counter in the kitchen. You couldn’t see his laptop sitting on an abandoned table in the library. You couldn’t see his room. His room that over time had become your room as well. The room where he had made love to you for the first time. The room where he had told you he loved you and you him. You couldn’t.

Instead, you had come here and had stayed for weeks. Muting the phone. Hiding away from the world. The world he had died saving. The world that meant nothing without him.

You couldn’t face the fact that he was gone. That you were never gonna see him again. So you made up a lie in your head. You imagined, you had broken up. Imagined all the hurt inside your chest was from an ended relationship. That he was still alive. That he was still with Sam. Still hunting. Still keeping the world safe from evil. Just no longer with you.

Each day you had found a new souvenir to cling too as you huddled up on the couch. Each day you had thought of happy times spent with him. Some were from before you were a couple. There were items from when you were kids; struggling to make sense of the world around you. Items from when he had come to you after Sam had left for Stanford and items  that reminded you of hunts and fighting alongside him. Your most treasured items were from your days off. These reminded you of your small getaways and days where you pretended to be normal together. Days and times where you hadn’t needed this place, because you had him, and he had been all the normal you needed. Now he was gone, and you weren’t sure you could ever walk back out through that door. Back out into a world filled with evil and monsters. Your light in the dark was gone for good, and there was no replacing that. You weren’t even sure there was any going on without it. Without him.

You weren’t sure how long you had been here. Days, weeks, months. Probably weeks. Canned foods and snacks covered your table, and your eyes seemed to have dried up. The pain was still there, but the tears were no longer coming. You took a deep breath and got off the couch, roaming the shelves along the walls once more until you found something that brought a small smile to your lips.

An old grammophon you had stolen from Bobby’s house after it had burned to the ground caught your eye. You had managed to rebuild it, thanks to skill you had picked up from Dean over the years. You picked up the old record you had really rebuilt the thing for. The record that had made you realize there was maybe something more than friendship between you and Dean.

You had been crying when he found you and got you to talk. You had told him about the guy that had broken up with you. The guy you had lived with for a year before Sam had returned from hell, before Dean had called you for help. You saw the anger and the grief in his eyes, but you also knew he understood. He had lost a family to this life. Not just a girlfriend like you had a boyfriend. He had lost a kid. Something in that moment had made you both realize normal wasn’t for you, and still, that had been what he had managed to give you.

He had put a record on the gramophone player and pulled you into his arms. He had danced with you. He had let his calm heartbeat calm your tears, and you had realize you needed him more than anyone else. That you loved him more than you loved Sam. More than you had ever loved any friend. More than you had ever loved any boyfriend. All the words of the song had suddenly made sense.

You put the record on and grabbed one of your stuffed teddy bears that were still left over from when this room had been pink and girly, before it became a woman’s living room filled with memories and dreams. You held the stuffed toy close and started swaying to the word of the Chicago song.

_You’re the meaning in my life_

_You’re the inspiration_

_You bring feeling to my life_

_You’re the inspiration_

_Wanna have you near me_

_I wanna have you hear me sayin’_

_No one needs you more than I need you_

You were so wrapped up in your own head, in your own thoughts that, you hadn’t heard him open the door. You didn’t realize he was there until he spoke.

“Wouldn’t you rather dance with the real thing, sweetheart?”

You jumped, startled by the familiar voice behind you, and you were so caught up in the lie you created in your own head you didn’t realize what was going on at first.

“What the hell?! How long have you been standing there? Haven’t you heard of privacy?!” You yelled at him, and Dean’s eyebrows shut up. Clearly that had not been the reaction he had expected from you. Suddenly realization dawned on you.

“Dean?” You gasped and tears started falling down your cheeks yet again.

“It’s really me, Y/N/N. I’m okay.” Dean slowly took a step towards you, and you pounched. You closed the gap between you, throwing yourself into his strong arms that immediately closed securely around you. Holding you close as he gently swayed you as you cried against his chest. You stayed like that until the song ended and Dean chuckled.

“Wow, we really need to get you a shower babe. You smell worse that Sam after half a burrito.”

You slapped your palms against his chest looking when you looked up into the beautiful green eyes you had missed so much, and you couldn’t help but return his smile.

“Shut up and kiss me Winchester!”

“Yes ma’am.” Dean drawled with a wink and a chuckle before he pressed his lips firmly against yours, kissing you with all the love and passion you always shared, and you melted into him. He would explain everything later. Right now having him here. Kissing him. Clinging to him. That was enough. You had your meaning in your life back. You had Dean back.  


End file.
